Archive of ‘Samson’s Story’ category

Outro

By Natalie

It seems appropriate that the news I’m about to share comes to you late. The news comes late because we’ve been pretty crazy busy lately. We’ve been out of town.. looking for a place to live. We’ve been putting boxes together and packing our belongings up. There’s a pile of them in the living room as I speak. We’re moving and I can hardly believe it myself. But do you know what? We’re excited. It’s going to be an adventure. A spontaneous adventure, and those are my favorite after all.

Say hello to our new home

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Here’s the thing… Would you believe me if I told you that the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through was losing  Samson? It’s ok you can say there she goes again, but listen… Would you believe me if I told you that the whole occurrence, and series of events after affected me rather traumatically? That I developed terrible anxiety, and grew uncomfortable in my own neighborhood. In my own front yard. In my own home? Samson was a part of this home, and it’s too hard. When I sit in the back yard I remember him, and how he’d play. When I pull into the driveway I see the front yard, and can hardly look at the sad garden that never got finished because that’s where it happened. Just as we broke ground to plant flowers, and do you know, I could never bring myself to go back out there? Believe me or not a piece of me was broken off when we lost him. The experience has made me stronger, and I’ve learned to get through it. I realize it might not be the most popular thing to talk about but he was my inspiration for writing again. I was so broken down, so saddened, hurt, and confused. The only way I was able to cope was to write about it. Allowing my voice and heart to be heard is the only thing I desired in the end. I no longer wished for apologies for being shut up and shamed. I only wished for someone to hear me out, and understand my struggle. Thus I wrote about him. And I prefer to keep him that way. Locked away in my words, and memories. Of course this is no reason to move a state away but it does make the move the slightest bit easier. I leave this home, and Samson stays with it.

B found new work in Charlotte if you’re really wondering, and I’m very proud of how far he’s come. I’m grateful for a husband who wants to take his little family on new adventures. I’m grateful for a husband who works hard, and has dreams for himself and his family.

We’re both natives of Fredericksburg. Virginia has been home for nearly 25, and 23 years. But we’re ready. It’ll be a time for us to grow closer together, build a new life, and rely on God as we should be. And being around when our new niece is born… well that’ll be a huge plus.

God has provided for us. He has blessed Brandon with work. He has blessed us with a new home to live in. He has done it all so quickly, and graciously. How could it not be the right decision when I feel it in the depths of my soul? He has planned this for us, and has whispered it in my ear. He is excited for us still, to see how we grow.

Now if you’ll excuse me I believe Bingley is jumping in and out of some empty boxes.

Farewell Fredericksburg Friends.


Samson, My Samson

By Natalie

Today I miss you.

Most days I miss you.

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The sweet dog smell that I loved to take in for the first time in my life. I miss our cuddles. I miss how you laid behind me while I cooked. I miss how happy you would get when we’d come home. I miss your sweet low groans when you’d get excited about something.

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I loved watching you play. I loved rescuing you. I loved giving you a home. I loved the feeling of attachment I had with you. But it made it so much harder. I can’t explain to you the traumatizing emotions I felt when I had to see you in the shelter after you were taken away. Dozens of dogs barked constantly around you. Volunteers screaming behind closed doors. And there you sat in your own filth because who has the time to take out a dog who’s on death row? I want to forget the nightmare. I want to ignore that they never gave you the toys I left. I want to forget how you whined in confusion while you watched me walk away.

But I never want to forget the last time I held you. In that small little room, just the three of us, and with tears in my eyes I tried my best to apologize to you.

I am so sorry my Samson. Sorry I couldn’t give you a better life. Sorry the opinions of people hold so much value. But thanks sweet boy, for being such a joy to me while I had you. For teaching Brandon and I to grow closer together through it all. For showing us who true friends are. And simply for being the light in my life that you were.

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The Story of Samson

By Natalie

All my life I had longed to have the companionship of a dog. Believing that dog’s were simply too much responsibility my mom always seemed to settle with cats. The cats were alright, but they just weren’t what I had always wanted. Brandon had grown up with dogs around and promised that the day we got a house we could have a dog. Disclaimer: there is a certain quality in me that I’m not necessarily proud of, but I cannot deny. When I’m given hope for something in the future I want it as soon as possible. The closer it gets the more frustrated I get, and beg to have it sooner than anticipated. B calls it ‘light at the end of the tunnel syndrome’.

When the offer was accepted on our house we began our search for our new family member. One sunny Sunday afternoon we decided to go to Petsmart where the Orange County Animal Shelter was holding adoptions. That’s were I fell in love with our Samson. I had taken a particular liking to him, and the volunteers must have noticed, as they asked us if we’d like to take him for a walk. We stepped outside and this big goof of a dog strolled about like he was the happiest dog in the world. There was no doubt in my mind that he was the dog for me. I couldn’t resist his adorable big head that I could kiss all day long.

We went home and thought about our decision to adopt him. The closer we came to closing on our house the more we felt like he was the dog for us. Immediately after signing papers to close on our house we drove to the Orange County Animal Shelter to adopt our boy. The whole time we were there I was giddy with excitement.

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Our first family photo  was taken the day we closed on our house. I couldn’t have been more delighted. He was my first dog in our first house.

Dog ownership was even better than I had envisioned. I loved having Samson around when B was out so I didn’t have to be by myself. I loved the way he had to lay behind me while I cooked and washed dishes. I loved seeing his excitement when we arrived home from a long day. I loved how cuddly he got when he was sleepy at night. I loved waking up with blurry vision and seeing him there laying beside me, not a care in the world. You could see in his eyes that he was grateful to have a new happy home.

We gave Samson a chance, which is more than most people would have done. We did our research, and we found that we were up to the task of caring for a fun loving muscular dog. That’s one of those things that I continually try to remind myself. We rescued him, and loved him with no judgement. I wouldn’t ever change that even if I was granted the opportunity. I had my sweet boy for under a month when he was taken. It’s a wonder how in under a month I was able to grow so fond of him. He had a chance to meet family and friends. He had numerous nicknames including Sammy Sosa which just kind of came out one day, and stuck. He was spoiled by my friend Chloe who saw no fault in him. He enjoyed multiple firsts with his new parents. Moments I’ll never forget like his first bath, which was more of a wrestling match between the three of us…

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Look at that smile!!

So often we read the news articles and sympathize with the victim, with good reason. The innocent deserve to be sympathized. It is rare to ever hear the other side of the story. I feel as if it’s time to tell it. Not just for me, but for all those who are on the other side. We sit in shame, and guilt, all the while accepting punches from others for fear of what they might say if we defend ourselves. Samson ripped a metal stake out of the ground right before my eyes, and bit another dog. It was a moment that will forever be stained in my memory. I understand the victim. Trust me I do. But I’m tired of pretending like I wasn’t hurt in this situation. As B put it “How must the parents feel of the children who orchestrated terrifying school shootings, and threats. Parents of the victims are angry, and grievous. but the parents of shooters… how must they feel?” Will you sit back and deny the fact that they are grievous as well? For losing their own children, and feeling responsible. What I went through was so minuscule in comparison. I don’t expect you to understand, I honestly don’t. It’s a difficult thing for people to accept the fact that those people are suffering as well. I do however urge you to take these words to heart.

We enjoyed every bit of this dog leading up to that traumatic day. My mind is full of ‘If onlys’ . It is full of regret. Not regret of adopting Samson, but regret for bruising his breed name. Regret of being in the front yard that day. Regret of not protecting Samson. Never did I ever believe I would have to go through such a difficult series of events. Until I find the strength to capture the memory of that day I will leave you with all I have left of him. My memories.

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