By Natalie
When Lincoln turned two months old I was reminded of this post that I wrote about Felicity. I thought it’d be sweet to write a side by side comparison of the two to see how different the two kids are and what the overall experience two months postpartum has been each time.
By Natalie
On the morning of June 8th I went into the Matthews hospital for my scheduled induction. Lincoln was tracking to be 10lbs and 8oz, so at 39 weeks my midwife said, “Let’s get that baby out.” and I couldn’t have agreed more. My belly was huge. I had minimal back pain thanks to chiropractic, however my gigantic belly was feeling so cumbersome. The ultrasound tech believed Lincoln would be big but she also explained that it appeared I had a lot of fluid which could be magnifying his weight. This was my last bump pic taken 2 days before Lincoln’s birth.
By Natalie
Lincoln Thomas Poe was born Monday June 9th at 12:07am. He was 10lbs 5oz and 22in.
His birth story will come later.
Due to the nature that we don’t share much on socials I’ve been sharing details with loved ones at different times via txt this week. It was becoming increasingly more difficult to keep up with updates as the roller coaster week went on.
By Natalie
I haven’t known what to say or how to say it. In the beginning because I was adjusting to the shock of our miracle unassisted pregnancy, after 5 years of secondary infertility. Also because I was awfully nauseous. In the second trimester I remained silent because I still didn’t have much of a desire to write. But now.. at 30 weeks here I am and the time feels right to share this poem written for my SECOND.
By Natalie
A few weeks ago I found myself in what I felt like was an emergency situation. My mental health was deteriorating all summer and I struggled to manage until the day that one trigger blew up everything inside me. I was numb and could not deal with anything or anyone. My body had been breaking down for a while. One night in August I became unexpectedly nauseous. I was restless and unable to sleep and then I began vomiting at 3am. I had brain fog, I tried consuming more electrolytes, convinced maybe the heat of the summer was the issue. I couldn’t recall words and on top of that my irritability was spewing on everyone around me.
By Natalie
I picked Felicity up from gymnastics camp and broke the news to her.
“Today?” She asked, sitting on the passenger side in her leotard.
I nodded. “Yea baby, I’m sorry.”
She immediately started crying and climbed into my lap.
“He was a really good boy, but he was very sick.” I told her. I started crying too. It wasn’t until Brandon made a video of Bingley that we realized what a big part of Felicity’s life he was. He was her constant companion, he’d been there since we brought her home from the birth center.
By Natalie
The vet sat in front of us and assured us that we were making the right choice for our dog. “It sounds like you guys know him well and you know he’s not doing well.”
Bingley’s health began to quickly deteriorate after we found out that he had a tumor. It was difficult to accept that his time was coming but he was hardly eating anything. One night I begged him to eat something and I collapsed to the floor and hugged him. Felicity stopped what she was doing and came to me. “I’m sad because he’s very sick.” I told Lici.
By Natalie
It’s been a month since he’s been gone and it doesn’t feel real. The death of Bingley felt like a death of a part of myself. He passed peacefully at home, surrounded by his toys, his bone and Brandon and I. Because his passing was peaceful I felt ok. He wasn’t in pain anymore, we weren’t weighed by the decision of when it was time anymore, we were all going to be ok. But as the weeks drug on my mind began to shift and grieve, unfamiliar with how manage it my moods swung in a dozen different directions.
By Natalie
I think it hurts so much because the love is real.
Oh Bingley my boy.
How do I say goodbye to a best friend?
To one who I trusted to see more of my tears than anyone else?
To one who loved me unconditionally.
To one who trusted me.
To one who brought me such joy in such a time of sorrow.
By Natalie
Felicity had a week and a half off for Spring break in April. The extended time allowed her to decompress from school, get healed up from another case of strep throat, get together with friends and take a trip to Wilmington. This little NC town has been on our bucket list since we moved to Charlotte. Nestled between the Cape Fear river and the coast this historical city was pleasantly charming.