Advisory on Mental Health

By Natalie

A few weeks ago I found myself in what I felt like was an emergency situation. My mental health was deteriorating all summer and I struggled to manage until the day that one trigger blew up everything inside me. I was numb and could not deal with anything or anyone. My body had been breaking down for a while. One night in August I became unexpectedly nauseous. I was restless and unable to sleep and then I began vomiting at 3am. I had brain fog, I tried consuming more electrolytes, convinced maybe the heat of the summer was the issue. I couldn’t recall words and on top of that my irritability was spewing on everyone around me.

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Pet Loss Memorialization

By Natalie

I picked Felicity up from gymnastics camp and broke the news to her.

“Today?” She asked, sitting on the passenger side in her leotard.

I nodded. “Yea baby, I’m sorry.”

She immediately started crying and climbed into my lap.

“He was a really good boy, but he was very sick.” I told her. I started crying too. It wasn’t until Brandon made a video of Bingley that we realized what a big part of Felicity’s life he was. He was her constant companion, he’d been there since we brought her home from the birth center.

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Letting Go

By Natalie

The vet sat in front of us and assured us that we were making the right choice for our dog. “It sounds like you guys know him well and you know he’s not doing well.”

Bingley’s health began to quickly deteriorate after we found out that he had a tumor. It was difficult to accept that his time was coming but he was hardly eating anything. One night I begged him to eat something and I collapsed to the floor and hugged him. Felicity stopped what she was doing and came to me. “I’m sad because he’s very sick.” I told Lici.

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The Sound of Grief

By Natalie

It’s been a month since he’s been gone and it doesn’t feel real. The death of Bingley felt like a death of a part of myself. He passed peacefully at home, surrounded by his toys, his bone and Brandon and I. Because his passing was peaceful I felt ok. He wasn’t in pain anymore, we weren’t weighed by the decision of when it was time anymore, we were all going to be ok. But as the weeks drug on my mind began to shift and grieve, unfamiliar with how manage it my moods swung in a dozen different directions.

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Saying Goodbye to Bingley

By Natalie

I think it hurts so much because the love is real.

Oh Bingley my boy.

How do I say goodbye to a best friend?

To one who I trusted to see more of my tears than anyone else?

To one who loved me unconditionally.

To one who trusted me.

To one who brought me such joy in such a time of sorrow.

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How We Vacation: Wilmington

By Natalie

Felicity had a week and a half off for Spring break in April. The extended time allowed her to decompress from school, get healed up from another case of strep throat, get together with friends and take a trip to Wilmington. This little NC town has been on our bucket list since we moved to Charlotte. Nestled between the Cape Fear river and the coast this historical city was pleasantly charming.

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Bringing Puerto Rico Home

By Natalie

My sisters and I visited Puerto Rico in February.

Revisiting the island with my sisters was a sweet experience. We found healing in the waters from our homeland and discovered pieces of our identities that we didn’t know were missing. I reconnected with my sweet cousin Lourdes. We fell into lots of silly moments with each other. Dancing in the streets in San Juan, practicing our synchronized swimming in the ocean and just general quirkiness. We spent our entire childhood apart so it seemed we were making up for it in a way. It’s absolutely wild to me that this part of me was here on this Earth, miles away, our relationship dormant until I reached for it. It’s never too late.

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An Open Letter to My Cousin

By Natalie

Zaul,

I thought I’d write this note to you at home and send you some snail mail but I couldn’t think of anything else on my flight home from Texas so I began writing this to you on the quiet plane. But then midway through writing I started tearing up and felt quite awkward crying on a plane so I had to pause, chug my water, blow my nose and pick it up later. I’ve since taken some time to process and I felt that this was definitely something that I wanted to share with you, and I felt it deserved to be an open letter because this space and audience has become a part of my journey.

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A House That Suits You

By Natalie

Brandon and I have owned two homes and lived in 6 different spaces together. I loved our time jumping around because during those years we prioritized what we couldn’t live without. We’ve had bathrooms that our friends called Narnia due to their large size and bathrooms that you could hardly turn around in. We grew accustomed to all sorts of different kitchens, washers & dryers, fridges, neighborhoods and storage spaces.

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More or Less

By Natalie

Are you a New year’s resolution type or are do you think fresh starts on January 1st is cliche?

I’ll admit that I’m quite susceptible to wanting a fresh start come January. I’m satisfied with how 2023 ended but I know there’s some tweaks I could make to truly feel fulfilled this year. As the clock ticks closer to midnight on December 31st I inevitably find myself asking the question, “What do I want next year?”. Brandon and I worked on a puzzle at the table together on New Year’s Eve. While peacefully sitting there working pieces into the bigger picture I thought, “I think in 2024 I’m going to shift my focus from lofty goals to something more achievable for my personality type.”

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