Dearest Friends

By Natalie

I’ve had my heart broken from so many friendships. Female friendships have proven to be one of the most difficult things to navigate in my life. It’s probably because I love too hard. But I also have boundaries. And both those things have shattered my friendships. Some growing apart for a time and bungeeing back. Some over as quickly as they started. Some mutually ending and a decade later discussing who we were then and who we are now and genuinely wishing each other the best. Those give me hope and help me feel like it’s not just me. But it’s hard to feel like it’s not me when so many friendships have not stood the test of time. I try to look back on my lost friendships fondly. What we had at one time was beautiful. Even though there’s not a happy ending that doesn’t mean what we had wasn’t real and genuine at the time. Friends for a season, as they say.

This is a poem to some of the women I have lost over the years. An ode to them. A bit of gratitude for what they brought to my life even though our paths together were cut short.

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Random Thoughts for the New Year

By Natalie

I haven’t been able to properly string this together so forgive me for the brain dump.

This is the place where I sort through my thoughts and it’s been a while since I’ve written a good rambling. Here it goes, a few things that have been rattling around in my head lately.

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Cruise Control

By Natalie

Ana popped by Sunday and we went on a walk. Is everything ok? She asked. Because I told you to hang back. We’d all been under the weather and I wanted you to rest, since you let me sleep in that morning. But I was confused by her question. I didn’t think much of telling you to stay behind and as I explained to her that we were better off taking shifts during family illness I got to thinking about the stage of life we are in. A stage of life where thank goodness we’ve developed a long-haul kind of love and we can simply cruise along. One that can sustain us through somewhat unromantic times like these. So I wrote you this love letter about how we choose each other every day and what that honestly looks like.

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A Day in Our Minds

By Natalie

I’ve seen some things like this floating around online and I wanted to write up my own version. It’s so easy to lose sight of what matters in this season. All I should be worried about is that my baby feels safe, comforted, has his needs met and is able to build a secure attachment. A day in our minds from the perspective of mom and baby.

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Lincoln’s Pregnancy Story

By Natalie

On the morning of June 8th I went into the Matthews hospital for my scheduled induction. Lincoln was tracking to be 10lbs and 8oz, so at 39 weeks my midwife said, “Let’s get that baby out.” and I couldn’t have agreed more. My belly was huge. I had minimal back pain thanks to chiropractic, however my gigantic belly was feeling so cumbersome. The ultrasound tech believed Lincoln would be big but she also explained that it appeared I had a lot of fluid which could be magnifying his weight. This was my last bump pic taken 2 days before Lincoln’s birth.

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Lincoln’s Journey in the NICU

By Natalie

Lincoln Thomas Poe was born Monday June 9th at 12:07am. He was 10lbs 5oz and 22in.

His birth story will come later.

Due to the nature that we don’t share much on socials I’ve been sharing details with loved ones at different times via txt this week. It was becoming increasingly more difficult to keep up with updates as the roller coaster week went on. 

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While I Waited for You

By Natalie

I haven’t known what to say or how to say it. In the beginning because I was adjusting to the shock of our miracle unassisted pregnancy, after 5 years of secondary infertility. Also because I was awfully nauseous. In the second trimester I remained silent because I still didn’t have much of a desire to write. But now.. at 30 weeks here I am and the time feels right to share this poem written for my SECOND.

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Advisory on Mental Health

By Natalie

A few weeks ago I found myself in what I felt like was an emergency situation. My mental health was deteriorating all summer and I struggled to manage until the day that one trigger blew up everything inside me. I was numb and could not deal with anything or anyone. My body had been breaking down for a while. One night in August I became unexpectedly nauseous. I was restless and unable to sleep and then I began vomiting at 3am. I had brain fog, I tried consuming more electrolytes, convinced maybe the heat of the summer was the issue. I couldn’t recall words and on top of that my irritability was spewing on everyone around me.

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