Falling In Love with Time

Brandon and I drove down the streets of NoDa, pulling in to Benny’s pizza. We ordered one giant slice of pepperoni pizza for each of us on a disproportionately small paper plate. Pam and Nate walked in behind us. We greeted, we laughed, we sat and ate together during a summer that feels like it was a lifetime ago. When we finished our pizzas Brandon and Nate drove over to Abari to play arcade games. Pam and I went back to their place in first ward to knit together and watch a show we’d binge every Wednesday night. For about a solid year we’d do this same routine, every Wednesday night. After landing in Charlotte 2 years prior we’d finally found our community and had made solid friends that we were doing life with. Our time together was golden and it felt like it’d last forever. In the midst of weekly routines like this one you never think about when it’s going to end, until one day it inevitably does and you long for it in a grievous way that you long for times that you know you can never get back.

Pam and Nate are still in our lives. Their lovable great dane feels like our second dog and we gladly take her in as our own when they travel. Pam will always be the faithful friend that held a few months old screaming Felicity while I took 30 minutes to scrub our shower. She’s our favorite baker in the whole wide world and we’ve happily shared new milestones with each other like welcoming new babies in to the world. But that year we had together, oh I miss it. Before kids, before houses, before suburb life. I think fondly of it, both not wanting to back track my life to get back to it, but also wishing I could live it just one more Wednesday, to truly appreciate it. Surely we should grab some sitters and plan a Benny’s trip together, it’d be just a hint of what that time was, but it could never be quite the same.

I suppose this is what 30 looks like.

I am both in love with where I am and longing for those days in my 20s when Brandon and I made decisions, friends and a life that we adored. If you’ve been following my little blog for some time then you know I’m obsessed with pockets of time, which I first mentioned during a trip to California in 2014 here. The small things were these tiny moments I fell in love with. I read a poem recently by Courtney Peppernell that resonated with me, it was about how people should fall in love more. I found such beauty in this quote.

“People should fall in love more. Fall in love with the way your coffee swirls as soon as you pour the milk in. Fall in love with the look your dog gives you when you wake up… Fall in love with the person who tells you to have a good day… Fall in love with sweaters in winter and cold lemonade in summer. Fall in love with the moment your head hits the pillow. Fall in love with talking to someone until 4 a.m… Fall in love with the stars when they look at you. Fall in love with the sound of someone breathing… Fall in love with everything possible”

I read the quote to my sister while she was in labor recently. As she gripped the side of the bed I softly read, “People should fall in love more..” And I was myself falling in love with that moment. Sharing in their intimate family moment of bringing a new child in to the world. The only way to hold on to these pockets of time is to fall in love with all of them. To hold them dear because we never know how long they will last. As I get older I realize that it’s not only the little moments but the longer ones as well that I should hold on to. A weekend of birthday fun with my now 3 year old little girl.

A year of grabbing weekly pizza with our friends. Three years nannying little ones who will be in my heart for good. Nine months of my pregnancy with Lici. Two years of Brandon and I walking to Golden Cow ice cream for salted oreo ice cream cones way too many nights a week. A weekend spent with a dear friend in Asheville. Which is where I sit now. At a solid wood table, in a cozy cottage, with rays of sunlight pouring over the Mancala board that we played last night and our empty coffee cups. The sound of the ac blowing in the summer heat, the sound of Kristin flipping pages in her library book while I write.The excitement I feel for the fancy dinner we’ll have in this beautifully grungy mountain town. The sweet Daddy daughter time that Brandon and Felicity are enjoying together.

30 is a whole new decade to fall in love with and I think I’m ready for it, I suppose I have to be. Here’s to you and here’s to me, let’s fall in love with ever fleeting time today ♥