Daffodils and Muddy Shoes

By Natalie

I’m pretty incapable of holding a conversation this time of year without mentioning the winter blues.

You see? Just there I did it, February feels such a bleak month doesn’t it? What’s new with me? Nothing really, it’s February. The daffodils are out, but the trees are still desolate. The skies remain gray and all I want to do is curl up inside and live out the most mundane days.

I’m your token introvert.

Felicity however has been living a pretty full life if you ask me. Winter can’t stop her from muddying up her shoes. We’ve got a good schedule going and she’s been thriving with all the outings lately. I’ve been taking her to art class, play gyms, play dates, the playground when it’s warm. She loves to explore and get messy. She loves going on new adventures and I believe she’s becoming quite adaptable.

Recently I asked Brandon if we should move to a small farm. Somewhere where we could have goats and chickens, this was a hope we had before we bought our house. Felicity would love it, we would all love it I think. Brandon has been dying to have chickens, Felicity loves animals and I would pretend to garden. Doesn’t that sound lovely?

But when we take the lightrail through Southend where we used to live I miss it a bit. Walking right out onto the street corner, going as far as your feet would take you. Surely Felicity would thrive as a city kid, but the people we used to live near. Those post college young professional obnoxious kids, it was bearable when it was just Brandon and I. But now, it would be different, nothing would be the same as it was then.

Ultimately we love our house and our neighborhood and that would be hard to give up but I can’t keep from dreaming up all of these scenarios.

I think that maybe I feel out of place being settled. Being in the same place too long makes time seem to go too quickly. Brandon and I always reference our years together off of where we were living. Now that we’re settled in our home and are coming up on 2 years since we bought our house I don’t know how we’ll keep track of time and that makes me feel anxious. Life events are flying by. But maybe that has more to do with watching a child grow than it has to do with our settling down.

Our little string bean has grown. She calls me mama, asks “Where’s da-ee?” after her nap. She’ll point to Brandon’s office door demanding to go in for a spin in his chair. She tells me “Look, wa-er.” when we pass a stream. “Mmm’s good!” when I make something tasty for dinner. My favorite new word of hers is “Stick-o” for stickers. She is the most precious little thing to us and we can’t contain it. Sometimes after we put her to bed we just sit and talk about how sweet she is.

I’ve felt so much love for and from my little family lately that I may burst. That’s the thing about winter. There’s less distractions, which in turn creates more space for us to communicate and love on one another. Our days may be mundane but our hearts are full.

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