How Having An Absent Father Affects a Girl

By Natalie

A message to all those ungrateful daughters out there. 


It is due time. Due time for me to get this off my chest. There are too many girls out there who need to hear it whether they are a victim to it, or ungrateful for what they have. There are too many fathers out there who need to hear it. Whether they are teetering on the edge of being absent in their daughter’s life, or still adoring his sweet baby girl.

Most who are close to me have heard the story, and every time I share my thoughts on the subject my younger self heals a bit more. My father wasn’t absent in my life so that I could cry over it every day, and feel sorry for myself. What would be the point of that? So I’d pray for a purpose and ask God why I was a victim to feeling so meaningless. Over the years I’ve found the best I can do is share my story with others. In hopes to change lives. In hopes of bringing fathers and daughters closer together for both of their sake.

There were days when we were dating that Brandon would tell me he loved me. Sure, I thought. You love me. But my Dad told me he loved me all the time. Yet somehow it was fine for him to contact me 3 times a year, and see me twice a year. Is that really love? I hardly knew the man honestly. It was weird you know, to have dinner with a man who I was so much like in appearance, and taste, yet he was a complete stranger to me. B always tells me he loves me, and I know he means it because he is there for me. It’s as simple as that.

All through our dating relationship I was convinced I wasn’t good enough. I was always confused as to why B stuck around. Nobody had done that before, and I kind of didn’t know how to handle it. If there’s anything that I was frustrated with my father about most it was the fact that his absence made me incredibly fearful. And fear has a way of creeping into relationships. He was never around. He never hurt me physically, but he wrecked me emotionally. Then one random day B looked me in the eyes without any hesitation and said I will never leave you. They were the most shocking, emotional, and relieving words I’d never thought I would hear. I hadn’t even realized I was needing to hear them until he said them. With complete sincerity, and a wondrous amount of love he shattered my past wounds. No girl who has an absent father needs to be a victim to her past, and every woman deserves to love with hope, trust, and freedom.


Father Daughter Dances

There are girls out there that roll their eyes at their father in embarrassment, and my heart aches every time I see it. Is he really all so bad? Has he supported you? Has he been present in your life? Has he said he loves you, raised you, hugged you? Shall I repeat? Is he really all so bad? These are the things I craved, and still do. A Dad who tells silly jokes, tucks you in at night, makes you feel safe and protected. Sure he may be a bit embarrassing but he wishes the best for you, and provides for you. Be grateful for that father daughter dance you will have at your wedding which was robbed from mine. Think in that moment about how blessed you are to have a man who raised you pass you off to the man who will take care of you for the rest of your life. My sisters and I, as I’m sure most girls like us do, will always cry our eyes out during a father daughter dance. It’s longing for that moment that we never experienced, and that relationship that was nonexistent. But it’s also hope, that there are good dads out there who care.

So if you are a dad, you can make more of an impact on your daughter than you believe, simply by expressing your love for her. If you’re a daughter, tell your Dad you love him. If you are still hurting from a broken past, know that all is not lost. There are days that I still struggle, and question, as I’m sure my older sisters do as well. There is no shame in feeling abandoned. But know that you are worth something! You do not have to live in fear that every man will leave you.

It seems appropriate to dedicate this post to a few good men. First and foremost Brandon, who taught me true love. My generous Father-in-law who’s been the best dad to me, and every dad I’ve seen giggling with his girl, you have all been a part of my healing.


1 Comment on How Having An Absent Father Affects a Girl

  1. Nem Peters
    March 2, 2014 at 11:53 pm (6 years ago)

    Well said…Thankful that our past hurts from dad makes us appreciate our husbands so much more!

    Reply

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