Natalie's Blog

Apr 22
2014

Lupus Walk

We did it. We walked for the second time as a family in D.C. to raise Lupus Awareness. The morning of the walk we drove to the metro station which I will have to excitedly admit is one of my favorite things on earth. I know. Kind of lame right? I need to get out more. It’s the only type of railway vehichle I’ve ever been on, and I’m facsinated by it. Just you wait until you get me on a real train… I won’t be able to contain my excitement.

Once our family had all arrived and corralled together we began our mile and a half walk toward the Capitol. That’s it. Such a simple act to show support, and turn some heads on the busy street. The Grand Marshall of our event this year just so happened to be Nick Cannon. Kind of random? Not at all. Cannon was diagnosed with Lupus in 2012, and he’s made it his mission to raise awareness, as he too is still learning more about the disease. He cut the ribbon with oversized purple scissors, and we were off. Sent as a sea of purple consuming the streets of D.C.

Nothing makes me happier than doing something out of the ordinary with my Saturday. So you can imagine I’d been looking forward to this event for quite some time. Not only did I enjoy every bit of this day, but for the first time in a long time I was able to see my big sister smile. And it wasn’t just any old smile. If I could describe it in a word I would descibe it as a smile of relief. Relief to be surrounded by so many people who understood what she’s going through.

That doesn’t mean that she magically felt a million times better, because she didn’t. I’d love to say that the walk was just what she needed. To get out, spend time with all of us, and be carefree. But it wasn’t. The reality of her disease is that no matter how hard she tries to ignore it, no matter how many people try to help, no matter how happy she is, her body is the one who eventually gets the last say, echoing in her mind “I’m done, I’m hurting.” Her joints ache with every movement. Her muscles cry out in fatigue, and weakness.

That afternoon the three of us girls went to a Nationals game with our husbands. Feeling perfectly content snapping photos, and giggling with Nadir, I thought surely Nem is feeling great. All I’ve seen her do is smile, but then I glanced over and noticed the slightest wince in her face as she was trying desperately to overcome her discomfort. I quickly remembered noticing the same face a few days before Christmas when the three of us girls went to see the Nutcracker ballet. She furrowed her brow next to me. She fidgeted in her seat. She was silent on the way home. And I remember thinking to myself “Why can’t you just be better? Why can’t I make you laugh? Why must an illness take over your physical body like it does? You are the big sister. You’re the one who’s supposed to tell me everything’s going to be ok.”

But she is such a fighter.

If I have 100 questions for her body she must have 10,000. Through hearing her descriptions of her symptoms I’m not so sure I could do it myself. I’m certain I would curl up in bed, and never leave my home. The fact that she is even able to get up most mornings is a wonder to me. I wanted the Lupus Walk to be the push she needed. I wanted it to help her. But all it could have ever done was make her happy inside, and feel the slightest bit of relief. Every day for her will be a new day with it’s own set of challenges, and flares.

I know you visited today dear reader with the expectation of sunshine and daisies. To be honest I thought that day would be perfect too. And while we had a good time together, there is no denying the fact that Lupus remains an ever existent disease. Thank you so much for reading. Thank you so much for sharing. Thank you for your support in helping me raise awareness. When did people start believing that they are of no use to world change, peace, or disease? You may not be the most intelligable, nor are you much of a speaker, but do you know that it all begins with you? Awareness begins with the smallest of us crying out to the world for a change. After all, I’m just a baby sister praying for a cure.

Apr 17
2014

My Favorite Secret Photos

By Natalie

Apr 15
2014

Little Boys & Legos

By Natalie

It’s not a coincidence that I work in pediatrics. My mom has always been in the school or social system. One of my sisters is an elementary school teacher, and my other sister is a children’s pastor. There’s something in our blood that aids us in connecting with children. Who doesn’t want to listen to kids chattering on about nonsense? And build lego towers with them, or make everything out to be super exaggerated? Or maybe that’s just me. You never know what to expect from their little minds.

I loved passing out Goldfish to tiny preschoolers in Kid’s Church. I loved being a nanny, and watching princess movies with 3 little girls. I love discovering all the new versions of Connect Four with the kiddos at work. I love watching sweet girls that somehow know just what to do with baby dolls. They cradle them, and feed them as if they were their very own. It’s a mystery to me. And the boys, they are even more of a mystery to me. I am fascinated by their ability to build structures from a few simple blocks. I attempt to give my hot wheels cars a vroom sound, but it is nothing in comparison to the dozens of different sound effects little boys are able to concoct.

One day I was watching my two little nephews. We sat on the living room floor in the midst of wooden train tracks leading to nowhere. Toy cars, planes, and lego pieces scattered along the rug. I picked up a green lego and began doing what I typically revert to when it comes to legos. Build a house. Find that square flat green piece, and build yourself a house upon it. Do you think the thought to build a house even crossed my nephew’s mind? Maybe, but the thought to construct a plane was much greater at the moment.. While I was busy swiveling the front door to my lego house he was jumping all about, plane in hand creating sounds I can’t even begin to mimic. “That’s a nice plane.” I said. “Aunt Natalie it’s a biplane. Because It has this piece on top.” He pointed to the top wing I guess you could call it. “Well then, I stand corrected. A biplane.” I had no idea. The next time we drove by small Shannon Airport I excitedly pointed to the plane narrowing in on it’s runway. “That was a biplane.” I told B. “What? How do you know that?” he asked suspiciously. “Our 4 year old little nephew taught me that!” B nodded his head in assurance that little boys know their planes.

Apr 14
2014

What Bingley Has Taught Me

By Natalie

Whoever said a dog couldn’t be a girl’s best friend?

I can tell you now that there is nothing like having a dog as a companion. Having Bingley means I’m never home alone. It means that sometimes when it’s just the two of us in the house and I feel the need to think aloud I’m not actually crazy because Bingley will listen. Having someone that depends on you does something to a person. Dogs think you’re awesome, always. No matter if you had a crummy day, or feel down and out. They’ll sit by you when you’re sad, and stare lovingly at you. Wishing to be more helpful, but all they know to do is scootch closer to you outstretching their paws. Truth is, that just having them around when we’re sad makes us feel a million times better.

On my day off when I need a break from house work Bingley leads me outside. He looks at me excitedly when I put his harness and leash on. “Really mama?! We’re going on a walk? You’re the best!” Then he parades around the neighborhood proudly showing off his owner. He takes a short nap when we get back, and when I need fresh air once more he gladly hops up to sit outside with me. Baby boy loves his backyard. If I thought he loved the snow he loves the spring even more. So many new scents popping up for his precious little nose to take in. He has taught me to stop for a moment to notice even the smallest bits of creation that pass through our backyard. He marvels at the birds chirping, he tries desperately to catch butterflies, and bumble bees, as he’s amazed at all their flying glory.

Owning a dog has proven to me that I’m not all so bad. If I’m anything like most people, I’m my own worst critic. If anyone were to put an end to me with their harsh words or thoughts it would be myself. If I’ve done something wrong I can’t let it go, and have the hardest time accepting forgiveness. Whenever I feel that way, and just wish to wallow in my misery silently beating myself up Bingley will lay next to me. He’ll look up with those puppy eyes thinking “You’re not all so bad mama. I love you.” And sometimes every now and then we all need to hear that. Even if it’s through the silent stares of our dog’s eyes.

People say don’t get too close to your dog. Your dog isn’t a human. You are not a mother. And yes, that’s true, but not bonding with your little pup is next to impossible. When something is dependant on you, and you watch it grow it’s impossible to not worry about them when they’re sick, or care for them with everything inside you. So this one’s for my Bingley bug, and all those dog owners out there who are brave enough to let a little wet nose into their heart..

Apr 11
2014

5 Reasons to Prove I’m a Grownup Kid

By Natalie

I love everything Disney. I held onto my old disney VHS tapes for the longest time. B convinced me to get rid of all of them, and said that one day I could get the dvds. But come on, once your married and paying a mortgage it’s not so easy to reestablish your disney collection. You have to do things like buy new fridges, and get your chimney swept.
I use tissues with lotion when I have a stuffy nose. Ok that’s normal. Most people do… but do most adults get boogie wipes for themselves? The last time I was sick I begged Brandon not to laugh at me for getting boogie wipes. For those who are not parents, Boogie Wipes are basically a baby wipe for kid noses. They’re soothing, and made with natural saline! Let’s be honest, even the tissues with lotion can chap the stuffiest nose. Now that you’re curious about them yourself here’s a link to relief.
Every time I go to Chick-fil-a I get a 6 count nuggets kids meal, and trade my toy for an ice cream cone.
I always beg Brandon to make me a chocolate milkshake at night. Just to give you an idea of how bad of a habit this is for me, there was one night recently that I even waltzed over to the bed and sat down sipping on my milkshake. I looked over at B. “Well?” I said. “What?” He said confused. “Aren’t you going to thank me for making my own milkshake tonight?” B laughed. “Now I need to thank you for making your own milkshake?!” And then I realized he was right, I was being a bit ridiculous. I know my sisters must be shaking their heads while they read this. As they were the ones who once succumbed to my requests. Except my middle sister Nadir. Nem, the oldest, always spoiled me because I was the baby. Whenever I call her she still greets me by saying “Hi baby.” And I kind of smile a bit, because I am the baby. When Nem and I went to Europe in 2006 I was not a fan of the food. If I ended up with something I didn’t like, and I thought hers was better she’d trade with me without hesitation. Nadir however, she was sure to keep the spoiling to a minimum. I’d stare at her with her bag of pretzels that she always seemed to be munching on. When she noticed I was interested she would look me right in the eyes, and straight faced she’d finish eating, and close the bag up greedily proving her point. She also had this spinning toy that she kept on a shelf, and I was never aloud to play with it. I would beg her to try the contraption, but she always refused. She never used it, or did anything with the toy. It was almost like she kept it around just to taunt me. I’m curious if she even remembers it. That all makes her sound pretty mean, but as you could assume if it weren’t for her my expectations of people would be way too high. I’d never do anything for myself, and I’d always expect to get whatever I want. Who knew siblings could teach you such valuable lessons?
I begged my mom for a puppy when I was a kid. I begged my husband for a puppy when we got married. When we finally did get a puppy Brandon got up in the middle of the night to take him out every time. I maybe got up less than ten times during those 2-3 months. B still gets up early to let Bingley out, and feed him. I like to say that I take care of all the playing and cuddling time with Bingleybug. My mom knew what she was doing. She knew me, and she knew I would have a tough time caring for an animal, so she stuck me with beta fish, and kitty cats. And I will say, she did warn Brandon.

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Apr 8
2014

When Pollen Attacks

By Natalie

To all of you who suffer during allergy season, fear not. You’re not alone. I write to you urgently in between sneezes. I never suffered from allergies, until a couple years ago. Oh what a wonderful 20 years that was. Enjoying the Spring air with no worry of pollen count. My nose is runny, and red. My throat feels tender. My face hurts. Everything in my head feels itchy. I can hear fluid enter my ears while I blow my nose. My coworkers stare, silently telling me that they will not bless me after the third sneeze in a row. I carry around pocket hand sanitzer, as they are convinced I’m a germ cloud. I pick B up from work, tell him about my day, and he chuckles at my congested nasally voice. Personal tissues with Lotion sit at my desk at work. Honey and tea now sit with my regular sandwich in my lunchbox. (more…)

Apr 6
2014

Fixing Up the House

By Natalie

It’s the end of the first beautiful weekend of spring, and we got all of our spring cleaning done! That’s right! Allergies have hit me hard this weekend but I’ve persevered for the better of our home. We decided to paint some rooms in our house this weekend, and it was inevitable that once B pulled all the furniture out I had to run around to dust, and clean. We painted our front door today to match our black shutters, and I’m so pleased with it!

Here’s the before: B was already taping, when I realized I didn’t have a before picture, so I snuck one in. We also had a storm door before. We had to remove it to fit our new fridge, and found that we preferred the look of the front door without it.

After

This was one of those simple projects that makes a huge difference in the look of our house. Here’s another one of those simple projects that makes a huge difference. A while ago we decided to switch out all of our old beat up gold doorknobs for nickel ones.

Alright, the last thing I have to brag about for now is this gorgeous wrought iron hose holder we found hiding in Wally World of all places! There aren’t too many options out there for housing hoses. I quickly voiced to B that I was not a fan of the large boxes where you unravel the hose. Am I the only one who meticulously watches for spiders while unraveling? Those boxes seem to be a breeding ground for bugs! I much prefer the hose being exposed. So of course, when B spotted this beauty I was all for it!

I hope that was a bit of an inspiration for you. Warmer weather is on the horizon! Stretch out your green thumbs people! And best of luck to you in your own spring cleaning ventures.

Apr 2
2014

Confessions of a Commuter

By Natalie

Like most young commuters I have begun to loathe my drive. “It’s not so bad.” you’ll tell people. It’s only ‘x’ amount of minutes. Then come to find out you were driving on a holiday, and the very next day the real traffic hits. “Still not too bad.” You think to yourself. And then while you’re sitting in the midst of brake lights you calculate your work time + actual drive time, and that’s when you want to curl up into a ball, because it’s a horribly upsetting number.

I’ve learned that there are different types of commuters. There’s the seasoned commuter who is numb to his drive, as he’s done it for so long.
There’s the new commuter who thinks it isn’t all so bad. Just yet… There’s the regular commuter, who is typically the most aggressive one. And then there are those reverse commuters. You know, the ones commuting south. Those people that we envy with their long steady drive.

It’s baffling to me that on the random occasion I need to go to the main hospital of my job in Richmond it takes me 50 minutes. FLAT. It’s 52.8 miles away. No matter what time of day, no matter the weather It’s 50 minutes flat every time. Now when I go to my normal job in Aquia I have to leave at the right time which is a very small 5 minute window. If I leave in that window, to get there on time it takes me about 45 minutes. It’s 20.4 miles away. Typical drive time should be about a 25 minutes, but during the rush hours typical drive time nearly doubles. Can’t we all just agree to not brake on the highway, and merge in perfect harmony? Can we all just agree to see blue lights ahead, and not worry what all the fuss is about. Stay the same pace, and quit complaining about rubberneckers, YOU RUBBERNECKER.

I’ve already become callused to my drive, annoyed by everyone around me. Just recently there was no where for me to merge onto i95. Tractor trailer man, what makes you think that it’s just ok for you to accelerate so I’m unable to merge? Is it funny to see me have to loop back around and try again? Because if so, the joke’s on you buddy. You better believe I’m going to make it in front of you.

Alas, now I’m home. Swiftly driving down my exit, only to be stopped at every red light!! At this point I’ve already had a dog who’s been in his crate for way too long, and a husband waiting to be picked up from work, as we are rockin one car as of late. What’s worse is that I somehow get the privilege of being stuck behind every slow driver in Fredericksburg. The boys are waiting for me people! Get out of my way! It’s almost 7 pm Do you know how hungry they’ll be?!

So maybe I’m being a baby about it. Maybe tonight was just a bad drive. Maybe I’ll get used to it. But if I know myself at all I’m sure maybe not…

Apr 2
2014

Why We Did a First Look

By Natalie

There was something about me when I met Brandon that changed very quickly. I grew up thinking that some things just were the way they were. You live the same place you grew up for example… You have rice and beans with your thanksgiving dinner… You wear pjs Christmas morning… A bride never sees her groom before her wedding… You go to a beachy place for a vacation etc. “It’s what everybody does.” I’d say in frustration. I couldn’t figure out why he didn’t feel the same. I was so used to the norms, never considering other circumstances. When Brandon met me I’d like to believe that he admired my whimsy, but he also knew that if somebody would have to burst my reality bubble it’d most likely have to be him. Now that sounds awful, but trust me, it was for the best. He opened my eyes to new possibilities I’d never considered.

One day while we were wedding planning he mentioned “Why don’t we take the pictures before the wedding? My parents did it.” he said “Everything will be fresh and then we won’t have people waiting forever to eat after the wedding.” I immediately shook my head no. I couldn’t imagine it. The bride seeing the groom before the wedding!? No way. But then one morning I was flipping through a magazine and I saw a picture of a First Look. The idea was that you see each other before the wedding to have an intimate moment where it’s just the two of you. Offering photographers a chance to catch every second of your reactions from every angle. Then of course, you could take all of the pictures you want before the wedding. What a great way to get all of the wedding jitters out I thought. The pictures I found were so sweet for the people brave enough to do something a little bit different.

I wanted nothing more than to share that special moment with Brandon. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I didn’t want him to see me for the first time as his bride with a bunch of people staring at us. I wanted it to be just us. Whispering excitement to one another of what was to come. I can happily say that I was so pleased we did it.

Mar 30
2014

My Bosom Friend

By Natalie

Let me tell you a little story. There is nothing quite like having a friend you can depend on. Most especially an old friend that you can sit for hours with reminiscing on silly memories, laughing until your side hurts, or one of you can’t breathe. My friendship with Chloe Keeler can be most closely compared to the friendship of Diana and AnneWith an ‘e’ of Green Gables. If you don’t know what I’m talking about you need to go watch Anne of Green Gables. If you can get past the goofiness you’ll find it to be a fabulous story about love, and friendship.

We are the girls who stuck it out past the awkward stages of high school, and tried our best to write when Chlo went away to college. We are the silly girls who refer to each other with elizabethan style names because we do so wish to have lived in that time period. Our letters typically read as such:

Dearest Eliza,

Thanks for putting up with me.

Truly,

Jane

For a friendship does not last without a bit of humor. Chloe is the one who I first told I had a crush on my now husband. She is the one who encourages me when I’m down, and sends me cards that say ‘tough cookie’ on them when such times come around. She is the one who left flowers on my doorstep when I was dreading the dentist. She is the one who listens to me quietly on the phone while I ramble and vent. She is the one who sends me cards on every holiday. She is the one who doubled as my hairstylist, and photographer at my wedding. She is the one who left flowers, tissues, and candy on my doorstep when we arrived home from our court case with Samson. She is the one who dragged me from the house when I was hopelessly upset over losing my dog. She is the one who gave multiple baskets of puppy products when we got Bingley, including a binder full of facts and tips which she went out of her way to compile.

When moments like those come along treasure them. There is nothing like having someone whom you could tell anything, and they won’t judge you, or leave you. When you go through something difficult and your friend is still by your side, that’s when you know it’s something to hold onto. It’s not about gifts, or fancy get togethers. A true friend is someone you can just sit with, and being in their company is more than enough. It is something that I’d wish for everyone to have, and I’m so very grateful to have it myself. I love you dear friend. Thanks for being you.

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