It’s been six months since we’ve built a new life for ourselves in NC, and I have to admit that I’m a tad surprised this post wasn’t written sooner. These months that we’ve spent apart have begun to stretch my relationship with my sisters.
Lately… I’ve been thinking about them. Wanting to call, with no particular thing in mind to talk about. I’ve been feeling the definite absence of them. Yep, I downright miss those girls.
I spoke to my middle sister just days ago, for one quick thing. She answered the question I had for her, and promptly said she’d talk to me later. A sudden bleakness swept over me. “That’s it?” I thought. I checked the clock, who told me it was only 10am. Nadir was in the middle of her workday. Our conversation ended there, left out on the line, to be picked up another day. The phone calls, the texts, they’re too short, too little, how will they ever be enough?
Isn’t it interesting how I have a single friendship with Nadir in which we discuss our love for the elizabethan era, books, crafts, and how we can better support our other sister. And I have a completely different friendship with Nem in which we often discuss recent events, marriage, work, and our new niece arriving in May. I’d imagine that they too must have a similar friendship with each other that I know nothing about. I wonder what that must be like. Then there’s the bond the three of us share when we’re all together. Where all of our similarities mesh, and the pieces of one heart are expressed through three different personalities.
The fact that you’re stuck with your sisters is what makes them such wonderful friends. Whenever they annoy you, you’re forced to figure it out. Much like a marriage, only with more moodswings. If you’re lucky enough to have two, you’ll often find that the other sister takes up her duty as middle man. Always there to bring you each to your senses.
“Sure Natalie.” They’ll each say. “She’s just being herself, you know how she is when she’s tired, hungry, upset, annoyed, hurt… and fill in the blank”.. And it’s true. I do know how they are in all of those scenerios. Because I’ve been looking up to them since I was small. I know how they act, and react. I know what they look like when they don’t do their hair in the morning. I know that Nadir has always been ready to be the mother she is becoming, and that Nem falls asleep easiest on the couch with a blanket. It’s a beautiful gift, to know someone so closely.
I’ve been writing some open letters lately. It’s my way of being certain that the one’s I love know they are not forgotten. It seemed necessary to write one for them.
To you both,
The relationships we have with one another are the most complex relationships I think we’ll ever have. Our pasts have been intertwined. Our presents separated, and who knows what our futures will entail. But the three of us, we’re made up of the same things.
When we had no else, we had eachother. And of course the occasional Dairy Queen blizzard to make things better.
Thank you for helping me down the slides, literal playground slides, and figurative life slides. For all those special years we had together, as I’m sure we can all admit living with a guy just is not the same. For protecting me as if I were your own little cub to care for. For aggreeing with me when I need someone on my side, and for hitting me with the truth when I’m blinded. For guiding me, and encouraging me. For teaching me, and being proud of me.
With love and longing,
Your baby sister