Archive of ‘Pregnancy’ category

Timing

By Natalie

We revealed the gender of our little babe this past weekend by cutting into this gorgeous cake from Drip Cake Bar. She’s a girl!!! We’re overjoyed and eager for her giggles to fill our home. I feel such a connection with her now that I can call her by name.

I’ve felt her move the past few evenings. Once when I had hibachi chicken at a recent girls night out and once when I had a slice of leftover cake! She loves food like her mama!

Pregnancy right now is pretty enjoyable. My hair will hardly straighten these days, it’s bizarre. Takes much longer than usual. I had it cut recently and Marissa who has been cutting my hair for a couple years mentioned she noticed a change in my hair. My roots want to remain true and ringlet all the way down. These hormones swirling around my body are unbelievable.

Bingley is suddenly realizing that he’s not the center of attention anymore.

Poor little bug.

I’m excited to see the growth in my 18 week belly but walking down the street I kind of feel like I appear to have consumed too many baguettes at lunch.

I hope to enjoy this time while our little girl is small and I can still reach my toes because before I know it I’ll be carting around a giant melon of a belly.

Currently I’ve been feeling a number of things both physically and emotionally.

I’m still having some low back pain but I visited a Chiropractor recently that specializes in prenatal care. I worked for physical therapists for 4 years but man oh man do I still love their sworn enemy the Chiropractor. I’ve gone in the past for neck tension and headaches which I’m hoping will also greatly decrease this time around. After my adjustment this past weekend I felt a rush of emotions. I was proud of myself for providing time for self care. I was rejuvenated to continue on this long journey of pregnancy with the help of my husband, my family, my friends, and the health care providers I have chosen to care for both me and baby.

I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that for years I’ve been pouring my heart and care into other children and now I have my very own listening to my words inside me. A child that will wake up from a nap one day crying “mommy” and knowing I am that woman. I’m absolutely honored to be this child’s mother.

Lastly I’ve been feeling grateful for our vacation to Montreal last summer. After a few months of trying to conceive we decided to start saving more aggressively in the event that we could plan a trip before  getting pregnant. We both saw it as a consolation prize to being disappointed month after month with no baby. Months before we started trying I wrote in my journal that I longed desperately to be a mother but I also felt a longing to use my passport once more. I kid you not. Well what do you know the next year I got both. I also wrote at the time that before a baby I wanted to build deeper friendships, start healthier eating habits and I know it’s silly but.. read 12 books in a year. I was able to check off all of those things. At the time it felt like a silly list. I wasn’t too serious about it at first but God knew what was on my heart. He knew I needed those things to help propel me forward in my future journey of motherhood. He knew I needed a support system and he knew I needed to be able to not only set goals for myself but accomplish them. I love looking back on my words and seeing God’s big picture plan perfectly written out for me. I’ve always struggled with patience. I’ve often questioned why I felt like God was holding out on me. But looking back I’ve never doubted that the timing in which events have happened in my life were uniquely authored by Him.

Our trip ultimately served the much needed purpose of having a last big hurrah before baby since a month later we were pregnant. Brandon and I have shared 6 years together as a married couple. Much of my identity lies in being a wife. I have my moments where I become terrified that I’ll turn into a yoga pants wearing, crazy haired milk machine. Which let’s be honest that probably will come to pass. I’m nervous about splitting my attention between baby and Brandon because it’s just been us for so long. But after all our years together and the many opportunities we’ve had to reconnect and grow I know that we’ll make an amazing team for this little one. I’m confident that Brandon is still going to love me when my hair is frizzy and I have no make up on. Mostly because that’s generally been my life as a nanny. I know that ultimately I’ll still find ways to show Brandon my deep love and gratitude for him.


First Trimester Recap

By Natalie

15 Weeks

We’ve officially made it to the second trimester.

I wouldn’t say that the first trimester took me by complete surprise. I expected to feel tired and nauseated. What I didn’t expect was the [Squeamish ears turn elsewhere because I’m giving the honest details here.] difficulty I had chewing and swallowing food without gagging. I did not expect how much my gag reflex would come into play with familiar smells like bacon, my spice cabinet and Bingley’s food. I underestimated how exhausting it would be to feel so sick for such a long stretch of time. The transition from the first trimester to the second has been a slow one. “You should be feeling better soon.” Is what everyone told me, but it hasn’t been an overnight change like I’d hoped.

I suffered debilitating headaches the past couple weeks that lingered for days. Got sick multiple times after eating my morning scrambled eggs. Woke at 3am multiple nights, with the most frustrating insomnia.

Today I feel legitimately better than those first few weeks but still beaten down. I still have food aversions and continue to be sensitive to smell. My headaches have subsided thanks to some helpful tips from a nurse at my OB office. She suggested I add more protein to my diet and to be sure I eat every 3 hrs. Some days that’s easy and I can’t eat enough, but others I don’t have an appetite for much of anything but my cravings. My recent cravings have been chicken wings, cheese-it’s, fruit loops and pizza. Specifically Digiorno pizza, something about the crunchy crust I don’t know. Basically all healthy things right? That’s been hard for me because for the past year and a half I ate a predominately paleo diet. Since the smell of most raw meat bothers me now and the time it takes to prep and cook dinner is longer than I care to spend in the kitchen I’ve slacked off a lot. I switched to Paleo in June 2016 for multiple reasons, one being that I was having lots of stomach upset and bloating from dairy, starchy foods and all those yucky chemical additives and gums and waxes. After talking to a friend with similar dietary choices I felt confident in currently eating what I wanted to eat and not beating myself up about it. She said when she was recently pregnant all she could eat was bagels with gobs of cream cheese in her first trimester so naturally that’s all I wanted the next week.

I have been able to get by with some homemade meals from friends and family, which has gotten me back on track. I’ve also recently made a few crock pot meals here and there. I just pulled a Paleo pumpkin bread out of the oven and I’m trying to get my veggies in as often as possible. I’m on my way but it’s slow going for sure.

Mentally I feel not myself at all. Which I suppose makes sense since I’m not my self. I’ve felt like my body is breaking down on me. But it’s not, in fact it’s creating new life. I’m not who I once was. My body is preparing me for my biggest milestone yet. Motherhood. It makes me all emotional to feel sick, unable to cook most nights. I’ve felt like such a burden to Brandon and my job. A complainer to my friends and ungrateful to God for taking this gift God graced us with and crying about how difficult it’s been. Yet I’m amazed by this beautiful journey my body is capable of. Hormones are all over the place these days. I’m understanding true sacrifice for this little one. Discomfort among many other things simply because I love this little human growing in my belly so stinkin much.

More than anything I’m amazed by the support I’ve had. I haven’t had a single friend tell me to shut up which I feel could be totally valid when I said I was feeling crummy for the millionth time. My mom and sisters have been available for advice and encouragement even on the days when I just needed someone to talk to while I ate as a distraction. I’ve cried while eating saltines many times while on the phone with my sister Nadir. Telling her I just wanted to be able to eat and that I was so happy but so sick.

Brandon has shown such love to me in these past 16 weeks that some days I just sit thinking about how much I love him. Truly dazed in thought about how deep my love for him has grown. He doesn’t get mad when I ask him to make me a second grilled cheese sandwich he simply says “Sure babe.” And hops to. That’s a good hubby.

We find out if this little munchkin is a boy or a girl at the end of the month. We’re anxious and excited for our little babe no matter the gender. Mostly I’m excited to go yarn and fabric shopping after we find out so I can make ALL the things!

 

Blessings

By Natalie

IMG_0574We’re so excited to announce we’re expecting our long awaited dearest little one.

The past year has been extremely difficult for me to write anything meaningful or personal. My personal struggles had been consumed in trying to conceive our first child. I took a big step back from sharing things publicly because what now mattered to me was the support and closeness of family and friends. If it weren’t for their encouragement I wouldn’t have made it through with my head held as high nor would I have seen what God had in store for me during this waiting period. I learned the value of close relationships. Brandon and I became much closer than we already were, supporting one another when the other seemed to wonder what could possibly be the problem.

My emotions were all over the place until one day I had to choose to praise. If we got pregnant God was good. If we didn’t he was still good. The struggles I have overcome in my past greatly contributed to my faith in the one who has always blessed me and never left my side.

God was good after every negative test I frustratingly threw into the trash can. He was good through every ache that gripped my heart from the piece of our family that seemed to be missing.

I’ve loved the life that we’ve lived. We’ve taken some easy steps and some difficult ones but every single step has brought us to where we are today as individuals, as a couple and as a family. We felt ready months after our five year anniversary to start a family. We loved our lives and were ready for our greatest adventure yet. As the months dragged on my yearning grew deeper and deeper. All week I’d care for little ones who were not my own. Rocking them to sleep, praying for my own. Every day was a reminder that I was without. I had to make a shift and look at it differently. I had to choose to be grateful to have babies to snuggle. To curb the longing I had for my own child and grant it to the little boys that were in my charge.

I started a journal of letters to our child from the very beginning and I’m so glad I have that to look back on.

On September 1st 2016 I wrote “Whether I have to wait a month or a year for you, it won’t matter because God’s will in our lives is perfect.”

On October 15th 2016 I wrote “I’m anxious to share our life with you. I have all this love bottled up inside me waiting to be expressed to you.”

On January 28th 2017 I wrote “Life’s been tough without you.”

On February 3rd 2017 I wrote “I want you to know even before you were born you were in my heart. You have always been loved.”

On March 7th 2017 I wrote “I long so terribly to hold you. I’m wallowing in my sadness today because there is a lack of you… You are always loved. Always were. Always will be.”

On May 18th 2017 I wrote “I want you to be God fearing, empathetic and a kind person. I want you to be generous and have a hunger for more.”

On June 11th 2017 I wrote “Am I allowed to feel pain for something that has never been? That’s never been lost? …Promise you’ll come soon.”

On June 23rd 2017 I jotted down Romans 8:25-28

On July 20th 2017 I wrote “…I have sat on a doctor’s table and begged God to tell me why or at the very least when. I asked him to grant me patience and understanding. I was angry with him. Very angry that he placed me somewhere that I would feel this void so desperately. One day you might find yourself angry with God as well. All I can tell you is that he may not give you complete understanding of where you are, but he will give you what you need to get through it.

On August 11th 2017 I wrote “I feel empty today. Empty and sad.”

On October 19th 2017 I wrote “Oh my dearest little one, I just found out I’m carrying you and I feel so overcome with emotion.”

The letters continue, each signed xoxo. I share these personal excerpts because I know I was not alone in our struggle to conceive. I know we’re extremely blessed to have even waited such a short time in comparison to many others. I’m thankful for the time Brandon and I had together and the abundance of letters I was able to write to our child even before conception. Mostly I am grateful for the God who never left me, even when I questioned his plan.

It’s been a beautiful journey and we’re truly blessed to be given this gift.


How I’ve Been Feeling

  • The first trimester is kicking my butt. I started to feel nauseated all day every day starting at 6 weeks until now as it slowly subsides. I was completely unprepared for the toll it would take on me physically and mentally to feel so sick for such a long stretch.
  • The grocery store is still off limits!
  • Much to Brandon’s dismay I CANNOT stand the smell of bacon. Sad days in our home. No more Saturday morning bacon and pancakes.
  • ECSTATIC

The Facts

  • My due date is June 30th (Baby’s trying to creep up on my birthday.)
  • Nightly at home yoga has been extremely helpful for my mood and nausea.
  • I’m asleep by 9pm, 8pm if I’m lucky.
  • I have super smell!! Brandon has been amazed.
  • Cravings: Powdered jelly donut. A friend’s homemade oatmeal crust veggie pizza (which they graciously made for me!). Fried rice.
  • I’m blown away by Brandon’s love and care for me and our home during this season. He’s going to be an awesome Dad!
  • Bingley is mostly oblivious.
  • We have a terrific support system in our family and close friends. One’s who couldn’t contain their excitement when they heard the news and ones who even teared up at this answered prayer. They continue to encourage and pray for us which has been a lovely blessing.
  • Brandon and I are completly in love with this babe already.