While I Waited for You

I haven’t known what to say or how to say it. In the beginning because I was adjusting to the shock of our miracle unassisted pregnancy, after 5 years of secondary infertility. Also because I was awfully nauseous. In the second trimester I remained silent because I still didn’t have much of a desire to write. But now.. at 30 weeks here I am and the time feels right to share this poem written for my SECOND.

To my baby boy, nestled deep inside,

The one I dreamed of, the one I denied.

For years I wandered, heart torn in two,

While I waited, I prayed for you.

While I waited, I cried over you.

While I waited I wrote to you.

While I waited I told myself hope would hurt too much.

And so I denied the want of you.

While I waited I became ok without you.

And what do you know I went on the journey of my life.

Then you.

God led me inward to wounds I’d concealed,

There began a journey of being healed.

I faced the shadows, broke each chain,

In hopes to shield you from inherited pain.

At times, I met my inner child’s plea,

Finally, I embraced the girl in me.

I learned to breathe, to calm the storm,

A regulated nervous system, my new norm..

Loved ones whispered prayers when mine ran dry,

Lifting our dreams to the heavens high.

And now, my child, beneath my skin,

A second little miracle from within.

Every tear in the waiting, every night I fought,

Was worth the joy your life has brought.

While I waited for you, I became whole,

God wove redemption through my soul.

My precious gift, 

I can’t believe you are mine.