Lincoln’s Pregnancy Story

On the morning of June 8th I went into the Matthews hospital for my scheduled induction. Lincoln was tracking to be 10lbs and 8oz, so at 39 weeks my midwife said, “Let’s get that baby out.” and I couldn’t have agreed more. My belly was huge. I had minimal back pain thanks to chiropractic, however my gigantic belly was feeling so cumbersome. The ultrasound tech believed Lincoln would be big but she also explained that it appeared I had a lot of fluid which could be magnifying his weight. This was my last bump pic taken 2 days before Lincoln’s birth.

Well she was right, he was big, and I had a lot of fluid. “You’re too hospitable.” Brandon said about my large belly. “He has a 2 bedroom apartment in there.”

“You have an olympic sized swimming pool for this guy, he doesn’t want to come out.” The midwife said one visit.

“Is your husband a big guy?”

“How much did you and your husband weigh at birth?”

“You must be due any day.”

The comments were endless and they weren’t that off base. “You look ridiculous.” Brandon said one night laughing as we got ready for bed. “I can’t take you seriously.”

I was knocking Felicity into walls because I couldn’t see her past my belly.

But before the big belly there was secondary infertility, growth and a shudder of hope. Let’s backtrack..

Over a year ago I began volunteering at a pregnancy center. This cause is something that is very near and dear to Brandon and I’s heart. I completed my training last fall and now dub the title of volunteer peer counselor. Since I began volunteering I’ve experienced a whirlwind of emotions. My eyes have been opened, my heart broken, my soul grounded and grateful. Mostly I’m humbled to be able to serve the women who bravely come into the center and walk alongside them in their journey.

I’ve kept a journal during my time at the pregnancy center which I’ve filled with notes and prayers. Last spring I witnessed my first ultrasound at the center. I cried the whole drive home. Was I in the right place? Was this too much for me? Could I handle the bittersweet feeling in my chest? I might have come to terms with my motherhood dreams ending after one child, but to see another woman’s baby moving on the ultrasound was a different story. Was I ready or strong enough for this? I surrendered my life and asked God to use me how He saw fit. I began to experience the joy of my close friends children, I was led to love and nurture a student that was not my own. I was convicted to not just say that I was for the lives of unborn babies but to better understand the women who found themselves pregnant. I wanted to better understand their options and how as a christian and believer of life at conception how could I support them to sustain the life within them? If I couldn’t have another child, I would be there for the women who could conceive.

Some years ago Pastor Robert Madu preached a sermon I have not been able to track down since. The sticking point of what I remember in his sermon was, “Don’t miss the miracle because you’re angry.” This was the beginning of understanding that part of breaking up with my womb was due to the fact that I was angry. I was upset with my body for not cooperating and I was still grieving my own childhood. I knew I had a lot of growth ahead. First off I knew I was missing the joy that was right in front of me with Felicity because I was so triggered by my own childhood. Second, what my sisters had often hinted, I could be missing out on the future joy of another child because hoping for one was too agonizing. I didn’t want to miss the miracle because I was angry. I wanted to release everything and see what God had for me.

After my breakdown last summer I decided it was time to come face to face with my past and find the healing my inner child needed in therapy. I connected with little Natalie, gave her what she needed, saw where God was in all of it and left little Natalie in his hands. It was my belief that I needed to save, rescue and protect Felicity but really it was the little girl inside me that needed those things. Separating the two has been transformative in my motherhood journey.

Sometime after starting therapy Felicity told us that we needed to get diapers. She expressed for the first time that she wanted a sibling. A sister specifically, but a sibling nonetheless. She asked me to pray to have a baby, like I had prayed for her. “That’s very sweet Lici but it’s not going to happen this time.” I told her. Her belief in prayer was stronger than my own. She remained adamant about getting diapers and prayed for a baby herself. I can’t make this stuff up.

I’d had a headache the day I found out, I had a weird feeling that maybe I should dig for the lonely pregnancy test at the back of the bathroom cabinet. I took it, saw two lines and thought, “Wait a minute, doesn’t 2 lines always mean pregnant?” I’d thrown the box away so I was unsure. I walked into Brandon’s office and said I might be pregnant.

I ran out for the digital test and sure enough it read pregnant. We were surprised, nervous and so excited.

One of my sisters didn’t believe me. She wanted to see the test on our video call and then shed tears. We got to tell my mom in person during a visit we’d planned before we found out we were pregnant. Multiple friends said they’d been praying for our family to grow, long after we’d stopped praying for it. Brandon’s parents were elated and emotional as we’d told them time and again it wasn’t happening. Ana was the most fun reaction. We got her and Felicity matching tees that read Cool Big Sis Club. After gifting Ana the tee, Felicity revealed that she was wearing the same one. Ana read it, looked to me, read it again and yelled “Wait! Are you pregnant!?” The squeals from us girls after that are a memory I want to hold onto forever.

Pregnancy is so fascinating. Lincoln’s was similar to Felicity’s in that I was sick from about 7 weeks to 16 weeks. I did a lot of yoga. Went to the chiro my whole pregnancy. I craved citrus fruits just like with Lici. I also had a major craving for soda which I finally gave into.

I looked like this most of the first trimester. I took this pic to remind myself that this was a blessing but maybe this should be our final babe because pregnancy puts me through the ringer!

The second trimester was glorious and I loved feeling all that movement again. I nested all throughout the second trimester, preparing our home and the new nursery.

The third trimester just had me wiped out. I could barely stay awake in the afternoons. This was the photo I sent to my sisters to say, “Yup, still pregnant.”

Don’t those 3 photos just about sum up each trimester?

I had so much fun dressing my bump this pregnancy. I thrifted the majority of my maternity wear this go around. Bump pics were quick selfies I snapped and I did not keep track of how many weeks I was. I’ll compile all that info when I do Lincoln’s baby book!

Overall my pregnancy was a joy. I can’t believe I had the honor of carrying another little life.

I believe my pregnancy with Lincoln was truly a gift from the Lord. A blessing that said, I’m here, I see you, thank you for your obedience stepping out in faith in all the areas I asked you to, I’ve got little Natalie, you go be a mama with all your heart. Enjoy this baby. Let go of the bittersweetness this time and capture every little moment and let it fill your heart with joy.